She keeps nagging on me about how to spend (or not spend) my money. All I'm trying to get is a halfway decent computer.
I'm pulling in about $150/week at Shell (which is pretty decent), Plus I sold ny '72 Dart for $700. I don't have that money yet, but the deal is done, delivery to be taken at the end of the month.
I have ~$150 in bills every month (credit cards/insurance). We're planning a trip next month to go to Wisconsin for a week. I need $350 for school by the middle of August.
Now let me figure this out. I'll have $1200 (approx) paid to me by the trip, minus $300 (2 months bills) = $900. Plus $350 of the Dart money (I promised her 1/2 of it because she needs a vehicle) brings me back to $1250. Minus $30/week living expenses = $1010. Even if we spent $500 on our trip, I'd still have enough for school- not to mention she's working too, until the end of the month. I'm just trying to get a decent computer so we don't have to deal with this POS. Off eBay. For LESS THAN $100.
But I can't afford to spend the money (?). Even though I am making twice as much as she is, I can't afford it. I can't afford to spend $100 when all my bills are paid, we have money in the bank, and for now we're both working, bringing home about $220/week. I'm not asking to spend her money.
Seriously James, it's only going to get worse once you get married. Then it's not just your money, but your time, your house, your car everything. Think about it.
well maybe she just wants to make sure that you don't have to worry about the money. Or maybe she's just a control freak.I don't know. All I know is that I am never like that and hopefully never will.
The sign on my Divorce Lawyer's wall has a photo of a very nice looking young woman seated in a chair with a young man on bended knee proposing. Under it is the caption: "what's mine is mine and what's yours is also mine".
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A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams...John Barrymore
Codgerr wrote: The sign on my Divorce Lawyer's wall has a photo of a very nice looking young woman seated in a chair with a young man on bended knee proposing. Under it is the caption: "what's mine is mine and what's yours is also mine".
Doesn't that say it all...
Ball and Chain...meet James...James...Ball and Chain
I get the same thing from my girl...good part is...I don't listen, and eventually she stops talking...patience is more than just a virtue...it's a weapon to be used against someone in marriage
It's your money, you earned it, you do what you want with it. Dont let someone control you, and dont be a puppet. The more you let someone control your life, the more used to doing it they get.
I'll agree with you and her. If you need something then you need it. But, you always need to save for a rainy day. I think I'm the rainy day spokes person right now and all the rainy day money is bout gone.
Some excellent comments above. Getting married, or having a mutual shared, loving relationship, frequently means putting your wants on hold to accomodate the needs of the couple or other person. There are wants...and then there are needs. It's important to recognize the difference and then act responsibly.
____________________ If you can't read this, you're illiterate.
You know, It's not that I don't recognize the needs compared to the wants. I know a new computer is more want than need. But a computer is a useful tool in todays day and age. A good computer is practically a necessity in today's world.
Especially since I am going to be going back to school as well. She is getting a brand new laptop from her uncle (he's a doctor) as a graduation present. Which would be fine- except that with the scholarship Sherri recieved, she MUST live on campus, and she'll be taking it with her.
The other part that peeves me is that she is quitting her job because she wants to have a month off before college. Now, if she can afford to quit her job, then why can't I afford to spend $100 on a decent computer?
Well I am putting my foot down. And I'm telling her that if she doesn't stop trying to tell me how to spend the money I am making, we'll need to seperate our bank account or simply manage the money we earn instead of managing our money together.
You two really need to sit down and talk about this.
If the relationship is real and is going to go forward, disputes over money are one sure fire way to make it miserable.
As Mr V said: Compromises....
Nothing is easy these days.
Good luck.
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A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams...John Barrymore
Not being mean but get out while u can and get someone who is willing 2 be equal in everything with u. How much does she spend on clothes, hair and nails?? she has 2 let u get what u want and at the same time she should get what she wants. U r doing everything perfectly, managing the money and making sure there is enough, so why not?? I would let u. Sit down and talk 2 her and see if she is willing 2 paly it equally. But some women say eys I will paly equally but then watch otu, here comes the money hogging lady again. do u guys put all the money together???
Since the beginning we made it equal, our money was put together and we decided who gets what and if we can afford it. Liek right now, it's my turn 2 fix my car and mod it up, when I am done he can mod his CRX and then sell it 4 the SVT or whatever he wants. Then 4rm there we r getting crotch rockets and so on. We keep swtiching, but if he wants soemthing that is cheaper at the time, then he can go first and I wait. Plus it also helps when u have simple people together, u know the no hair no nails no tanning or shopping crap. Sorry ladies, but i hate shopping soooooooo much. So boring. (for clothes)
She doesn't really hoarde the money either. We do put all our money together, and we do both have input on how it's spent. She doesn't go shopping without me, and she doesn't spend a lot when we do go shopping, and usually we just go to Wal-Mart for clothes and stuff. The nearest mall is 1-1/2 hours away.
So it's not that she's spending the money but I can't. It's that we're not spending any money and I still can't.
But I told her this morning that I can't just be working and not having any play money. I told her that I figured out our finances and we'd be OK if I bought a used computer. She said it'd be OK then.
I can understand her POV as well, as I have gotten myself into money problems in the past by going over my budget.
Ahh, well, I get my computer, as long as I make sure we have enough money to still take our trip next month.
ProtoRice wrote: "So it's not that she's spending the money but I can't. It's that we're not spending any money and I still can't."Sometimes it's just like that. Practicing delayed gratification is sometimes not fun, but it may be prudent."But I told her this morning that I can't just be working and not having any play money. I told her that I figured out our finances and we'd be OK if I bought a used computer. She said it'd be OK then."I'm not trying to be father time here, but I can remember many, many times, when I was working my ass off, and had absolutely no play money. Speaking only for myself, when I budget things to the penny, and extend myself to the max, emergencies tend to rear their ugly heads. Maybe the car breaks down, or the furnace stops working, or a leak is discovered in the gas line, etc. Personally, I always like to hold some back, just in case.
____________________ If you can't read this, you're illiterate.
ProtoRice wrote: We do put all our money together, and we do both have input on how it's spent.
Hey Hun - I'm not against marriage..only my first and last one (which were the same btw). It was a nightmare when he started to decide that I was spending money on stupid stuff (car maintenance etc.) He was spending for "practical" things (32" Flat Screen TV, Entertainment system, PC shit EVERY week! blah blah bla)
Anyway...on this comment of yours - first mistake ppl. make when getting into a relationship is pooling ALL of your funds!
Figure out what you will both have to contribute to the cost of living (rent, food etc.) THEN - Take some of your money out..give yourself an allowance...tell her to giver herself an allowance as well.
I'm sorry, but that's a damn copout for quitting your job! No reason to do that to you.
I will stand with Codger on this as well - you two need to sit down ALONE and talk. If you cannot agree and work things through, you both need to consider your future. Don't leap before you know what's going on. Trust me, you don't want to regret anything like I do. Hang in there man...we're here for you.
____________________ Get in, Sit down, Shut up and HANG ON!
I think that married couples having seperate accounts is just asking for problems. You have to sit down and figure out who's paying for this bill and who's paying for that bill, who's paying for dinner tonight, and I paid for the movie last time.
It's not healthy, and will ultimatly lead to seperation. I've seen it happen many times. If it's already getting to that point, you should get out now or have a serious discussion about the finances in the house.
Maybe you should each get an allowance every paycheck. Something small, that the budget can handle. If you want something more than your allowance, you just have to save up for it.
I agree...been married for 24 years...as of June 6, we've always had a shared or combined account...sure I can't always buy everything I want...but, I'm not hurting when it comes to modifying my car or doing what I'd like...often times, it's the communication that isn't there. I find if I talk things out with her, we end up coming up with a mutual understanding...
____________________ 02 SVT Focus, CD Silver, No. 2032.
Ok then talk it over with her and be happy. she sounds like a good girl then, maybe she has other probs she has not told u about and she is taking it on u and your compu. I do that sometimes and then finally I break down and say sorry. Sorry 4 my answer and now that u explained better, she sounds good and u guys just need 2 talk.
manninej wrote: I think that married couples having seperate accounts is just asking for problems.
I totally disagree. It's one of the only ways for either person to be safe in case your spouse goes nuts and tries to empty your accounts and run off.
We keep seperate accounts and have no problems with it. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm good at managing money, so I pay the bills. The missus gives me an agreed upon portion of her paycheck for her share of expenses. She buys the groceries and I buy everything else. When we go out, either one of us picks up the tab and it's never an issue. Whatever we have left in our own accounts is ours to do with as we please. Not saying it will work for everyone, but it seems to suit our personalities.
konaboy wrote: manninej wrote: I think that married couples having seperate accounts is just asking for problems.
I totally disagree. It's one of the only ways for either person to be safe in case your spouse goes nuts and tries to empty your accounts and run off.
This isn't aimed at you directly, but if you're worried about your spouse going nuts and emptying the account, then maybe you should reconsider the relationship and not the accounts issue. To be honest, in 5 years of marriage that situation has never crossed my mind.
Hey Hun - I'm not against marriage..only my first and last one (which were the same btw). It was a nightmare when he started to decide that I was spending money on stupid stuff (car maintenance etc.) He was spending for "practical" things (32" Flat Screen TV, Entertainment system, PC shit EVERY week! blah blah bla)