Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 AM?!"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."

    A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
    After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
    "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
    "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive"?
Olive?
Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names."

    A car speeding down the highway loses control, goes through a guard rail, rolls down a cliff, bounces off a tree, lands upside down and finally stops, wheels spinning in the air, smoke and steam pouring out from under the hood.
    A passing motorist, who witnessed the entire accident, helps the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck. "Good Lord Mister, he gasps, are you drunk?"
    "Of course!", says the man, brushing the dirt from his suit. "What the hell do you think I am?  A stunt driver or something?"

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

  When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!"
    To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side.'