I thought those of you in the medical profession should
be aware of these new drugs. You who are not, well, you
should know too.
These are the new wonder drugs that will soon be available:
Peptobimbo ...
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full
cups swallowed before an evening out increases
breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
Dumerol ...
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously
low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.
Flipitor ..
Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Antiboyotics ...
When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective
in improving grades, freeing up phone lines,
and reducing money spent on make-up.
Menicillin ...
Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases
resistance to such lines as,"You make me want
to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"
Buyagra ...
Injectable stimulant taken prior to
shopping. Increases potency and duration of
spending spree.
Extra Strength Buy-one-all ...
When combined with Buyagra,can cause an
indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim
may even come home with a Donnie
Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
St. Mom's Wort ...
Plant extract that treats mom's depression
by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up
to six hours.
Anti-talksident ...
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used
on anyone too eager to share their life stories
with total strangers.
Sexcedrin ...
Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More effective
than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear,
I have a headache," syndrome.
Ragamet ...
When administered to a husband, provides the same
irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the
time and trouble of doing it herself.
Jack Asspirin ..
Relieves the headache caused by a man who
can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
