The Internal Revenue Service decides to audit Ralph, and
summons him to an appointment with the toughest auditor in the office. The
IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant
lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you
win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
*I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How
about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. Go ahead."
Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite
my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."
Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.
Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I
can bite my other eye."
The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost
three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
*Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six
thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee
into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere
in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks
carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he
agrees again.
Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but
although he
strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the
wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned
a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his
head in his hands.
*Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the
attorney. *This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit,
he bet me $20,000 that he could come in here and piss all over your
desk -- and that you'd be happy about it!"
