So it has been written, so it shall be ...The CODE
1. Thou shall NEVER rent the movie, "Chocolate".
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
4. When you are queried by a mate's wife, girlfriend, mother, father,
priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not, and
should
not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You
are permitted to deny his very existence.
5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a
mate
out of jail within 12 hours.
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without
recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call
BULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable
exaggeration rate rises to 4000 percent).
7. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off-limits forever.
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another bloke who's
running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10
minutes
for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 screwable babe
scale.
9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a mate's refrigerator is
forbidden. You may whinge only if the temperature is unsuitable.
10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In
fact, even remembering a mate's birthday is strictly optional and
probably shows you are a poofter.
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your mate is
trying to crack on to is your legal duty. Should you lose all sense of
perspective and get carried away with your good deed and end up having
sex
with the beast, your mate is forbidden to speak of it, even at your
bachelor party.
12. Before dating a mate's "ex", you are required to ask his permission
and he in return is required to grant it.
13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate a deep knowledge of the game and the ability to
pick a buffalo wing clean and down a six-pack.
14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see
nothin'.
15. The universal compensation for mates who help you move is beer, and
more beer.
16. A man must never own a cat, or like his girlfriend's cat.
17. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sports event, you may
always
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.
18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whingey
friend
up with your mate, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able
to
warn your mate and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the
priesthood or shipping out to the Antarctic or Alaska.
19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless babe
with huge bazookas ... and it's free.
20. Unless you're in prison, you never, never fight naked.
21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
ALWAYS remain sober enough to fight.
22. If a mate is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you
must jump into the fight.
Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to
think,
"What this bloke needs is a bloody good boot up the arse!", then you may
sit back and enjoy.
23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:
"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers."
"Nice arse. Are you a Sagittarius? "
24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last party pie, but
NEVER both. That's just plain shitbag mean.
25. If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, for your sake, you better
be referring to his beer.
26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in heaping shit on a mate, except
when she's withholding sex depending on your response.
27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing:
either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations,
a nod is all the conversation you need.
28. If a mate is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not
join him ... much too poofy!
29. Never spew in a mate's car after a big gutful of beer. Always make
the effort to throw out the window.
30. A mate's missus is totally off-limits for screwing, unless he
invites you to screw her, and he joins you and watches.
