This teacher went into her classroom about fifteen minutes before the
class was supposed to begin and caught a bunch of boys in a huddle on
their knees in the corner of the room. She demanded of them what they
were doing, and one of them hollered back,
"We're shooting craps."
She says,
"Oh! Well, that's all right. I was afraid you were praying."
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Q. Why did the police arrest the cat?
A.. Because she littered.
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Needing to shed a few pounds, my husband and I went on a diet that
had specific recipes for each meal of the day. I followed the
instructions closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for our
individual paltes.
We felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful00we never felt
hungry!
But when we realized we were gaining weight, not losing it, I checked
the recipes again.
There, in very fine print was:
"Serves 6."
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(My personal favorite) Good Housekeeping Tip: Always keep several
get-well cards displayed on your mantel. If unexpected guests arrive
they will assume you've been sick and unable to clean.
------------ ---
Did you hear about the man who took his pregnant wife to the
furniture store because he heard they had "free delivery'?
------------ --
The helicopter lost power while flying over a remote Scottish island
and was forced to make an emergency landing. Luckily, the pilot saw a
small cottage nearby. He walked to it and knocked on the door.
"Is there a mechanic in the area?" he asked the woman who answered
the door.
She scratched her head and thought for a few seconds.
"Nae," she finally said, pointing down the road, "but we dae hae a
MacArdle and a MacKay."
