Prescription drugs should be kept far out of
reach of children, even if they cry, "Please,
please, may I have my medicine?"
Some people say you should not exceed the
recommended dosage on the bottle. But,
come on, it's medicine-it' s good for you.
Stay away from that Lipitor shit. It's like
hosting a Filipino drag-queen knife fight in
your skull.
If you take medication daily, a useful
accessory is a seven-day pill case, which
helps you keep track of your intake and
serves as a depressing symbol of your
mortality.
If the pharmacist says your prescription
will take 45 minutes to an hour to fill, say
"Oh, no," and fall over dead.
Never mix prescription painkillers with alcohol,
unless you like to party really, really hard.
Most people don't realize how much pharmacists
enjoy haggling over the price of medications.
To reduce the risk of mix-ups at the pharmacy,
bring a bat with a nail in it.
Most pills should not be taken on an empty
stomach. Sprinkle a handful onto a salad.
If your pharmacist doesn't offer to have one
with you right there in the store, the shit's
probably no good.
If you are ever in doubt about the safety of a
particular medication, consult a qualified physician.
He will be happy to pooh-pooh your concerns.
