End of the Year ..... THANK YOU
>
> I just wanted to thank everyone for taking the time
> and trouble to send me "forwards" and "important" news
> over the past 12 months. Extra thanks to whoever sent
> me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes,
> because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I
> need to seal an envelope.
>
> Also, I have to scrub the top of every can I open for
> the same reason.
>
> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola
> because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink
> Pepsi or Dr. Pepper, since the people who make these
> products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on
> their cans.
>
> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it
> causes cancer.
> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because
> I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though
> I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might
> drug me with a cologne sample and rob me.
> I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by,
> UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
> I no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me
> to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with
> calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually
> horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
> I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once
> I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
> I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus
> since I now have their recipe.
> I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have
> 363,214 angels looking out for me.
> Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers
> if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish
> within five minutes.
> I no longer have any money because I gave it to a sick girl
> who is about to die in the hospital (for the 258th time) but
> that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft
> and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email
program.
> Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that
> I will now return the favor!
>
> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
> the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of
> diarrhea will land on your head at 6:00 p.m. Minneapolis
> time this very evening. I know this will occur because it
> actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
> ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
____________________ If you can't read this, you're illiterate.
