"France has neither winter nor summer nor
morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has
usually been governed by prostitutes."
--Mark
Twain
------------------------------
"I would rather have
a German division in front of me than a French one behind
me."
--General George S.
Patton
------------------------------
"Going to war
without France is like going deer hunting without your
accordion."
--General Norman
Schwartzkopf
------------------------------
"We can stand
here like the French, or we can do something about it."
--Marge
Simpson
------------------------------
"As far as I'm
concerned, war always means failure."
--Jacques Chirac,
President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're
right."
--Rush
Limbaugh
------------------------------
"The only time
France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in
Paris sipping coffee."
--Regis
Philbin
------------------------------
"You know, the
French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was
still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for
it."
--John McCain , U.S. Senator from
Arizona
------------------------------
"The last time the
French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German
flag."
--David
Letterman
------------------------------
"Only thing
worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in
Canada."
--Ted
Nugent
------------------------------
"War without France
would be like ... World War
II."
--Unknown
------------------------------
"The
favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says
'First Iraq, then France.'"
--Tom
Brokaw
------------------------------
"What do you expect
from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will
fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the
Nazis?"
--Dennis
Miller
------------------------------
"It is important to
remember that the French have always been there when they needed
us."
--Alan
Kent
-----------------------------
"They've taken their
own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each
Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day
supply of mistresses in the house."
--Argus
Hamilton
------------------------------
"Somebody was
telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on
eBay the other day --the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped
once.'"
--Rep. Roy Blunt,
MO
-----------------------------
"The French will only
agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq
"
--Dennis
Miller
------------------------------
Q. What did the
mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in
WWII?
A. Table for 100,000
m'sieur?
-----------------------------
"Do you know how
many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never
been tried."
--Rep. R. Blount,
MO
------------------------------
"Do you know it only
took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because
it was raining."
--John Xereas, Manager, DC
Improv
------------------------------
The AP and UPI
reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings
that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two
higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the
alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France 's
white flag factory, effectively disabling their
military.
------------------------------
French Ban
Fireworks at Euro Disney
(AP), Paris, March 5, 2003
The
French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use
of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly
fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris,
caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a
group of Czech tourists.
____________________ If you can't read this, you're illiterate.
